


she's a real pussy wagon (the negway fic)

by sweetdispousition



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: everyone hates niall, if i could use emojis in tags i would use the tounge one, larry makes an appearance, larry stylinson - Freeform, my mother would hate me if she ever saw this, negway :), niall loves his segway too much i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 14:23:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4790570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetdispousition/pseuds/sweetdispousition
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>niall loves his segway<br/>everyone hates niall<br/>literally everything that could go wrong goes wrong</p>
            </blockquote>





	she's a real pussy wagon (the negway fic)

Niall didn't think it was weird. 

He was in a committed relationship, and some people just didn't get it. Those ignorant fucks. 

So now, as the 5 boys sat in Louis and Harry's living room, Niall ignored the look on Louis' face as he tried to hold back his tears. 

Niall had lost his one true love last night, and he wasn't over it. 

He had spent the summer in America with his family. And as a gift, his uncle had bought him a segway to get around. What his uncle didn't know, was that Niall had fallen in love with the segway. It was difficult to keep it hidden, which the segway's engine constantly letting out soft revving sounds, almost like purring. The boys had flown in for a week, and they were especially suspicious of Niall that week. 

So it came as a shock to everyone when the doorbell rang, and when Louis opened the door, a large package stood in front of him. 

"It says it's from America. For- um- Niall?" Louis said, confusion evident in his voice. 

Niall's head snapped up, and he clambered off the couch and ran to the front door. 

"Could it be?" He asked, looking down at the box, eyes glassy. He looked around the package for a label and when he found it, he read it to himself, whispering. 'To Niall, happy birthday, kid. Have fun with her, but not too much fun.' He let out a sob, and turned around to face the boys, grinning from ear to ear. 

"Ni, are you okay?" Zayn asked, backing away from him. All of the boys were afraid of Niall at this point, backing away from him slowly. 

"Better than okay, Z, I got me segway back from America." He said, tears running down his face. he didn't care how bad he looked, he was elated. Nothing could ever top this moment. 

"That's what you're blubbering about?" Harry asked, mocking him. "What a dumbass, who the fuck cries over a segway? I could buy one from like, any store," he said, and Louis laughed from his lap. They were horrible, the two of them, and Niall vowed the first thing he would do when he opened the segway was run them over. 

Niall sighed, they would never get it. They wouldn't understand what it was like to be separated from someone, something, you loved. He knew they all didn't like him. They didn't even get him anything for his birthday. Liam had bought him a cake, but it was a more like a pile of shit with icing on it. Nothing like the extravagant cakes Harry got his bakery friends to make for the other boys. 

He picked up the box and left the room, eager to see his baby once again. 

-

"You like that, baby?" Niall asked, hollowing his cheeks as he sucked the segway's handlebar. 

The segway purred in response, gas leaking from it's fuel tank. This was a regular thing for them back in America, Niall wasn't sure if they were ready to take their relationship to the next level. Was he ready to finally make love to it? Niall knew that their love would be difficult, no one would accept it, but he was willing to go through it all for his beloved segway. 

"Baby, wait." He says, running his hand down the segway's pole. "I want to make love to you. Do you think you're ready for that?" 

There was a moment of silence, but the segway revved its engine loud and enthusiastically. 

Niall grinned. He knew how much this meant to segway, and it meant the same to him. 

He quickly unbottoned his pants, dropping them to the ground and took off his boxers, and looked down at his dick. He frowned, even fully hard, his penis was only 5 inches. His eyes started to well up before he felt a rubber handlebar rubbing his arm comfortingly. Segway knew Niall was insecure about his size, but it wanted to let him know that it loved Niall no matter what. 

And that's what Niall thought about when he slowly pushed his dick into the segways hole. The segway let out little revs, it's engine sounding almost like the pant of a human, and Niall loved it. 

Once he was fully in, he took a moment to look down at his beautiful baby. The gas leaking out of it had stained his white sheets, but he didn't care in the least bit. All he knew that that his love was happy, and that was all he needed in life. 

Niall finally started to move, and for a few minutes he was searching for its prostate. Close to his own orgasm, he hoped segway was feeling the same thing.

That's where everything went wrong.

-

Niall had found the prostate, and he rode segway through both of their orgasms. But, what he wasn't expecting when he pulled out, was blood to be pouring out of the hole, and a huge tear in the tip of his penis. How he didn't manage to feel it was unbelievable, maybe he had been too blissed out by the idea of finally making love to his segway.

He screamed. And he screamed loud. He knew someone was bound to hear him, but he didn't care. 

It took a while for someone to come, since no one really cared about Niall being in pain. The boys came strolling into his room, laughing about something, not looking at the mess on his bed yet. 

When they finally looked up, none of them had anything to say. They all stared at him, with wide eyes and open mouths. 

Moments passed, and Niall, still bleeding out onto the bed and floor, could hear Louis mutter "Fucking disgusting," and saw Harry laugh evilly. And then, the unexpected happened. 

Segway roared its engine, and sped over to the two of them, smashing into them, hard. Louis and Harry both fell to the ground, holding onto eachother for dear life. Segway had no intentions of stopping, it continued to roll over them, crushing every bone in their bodies until they both lay there, dead on the floor. 

Zayn and Liam ran out, too scared to do anything else. Niall heard the front door slam a minute later, and a car engine starting. Everyone had left him. Except for his love, half of his heart, the one who he loved most in the world, segway. 

-

Two years later

Niall could never make love to the segway again. Their was a nail in the hole that would pierce his penis if he ever did that again. For the rest of his life, Niall would have to sit, sexually frustrated. Jacking off just wasn't enough for him. Segway had to be sent to jail for murder. And it would stay there, in a cell, forever.

So, he did what anyone would do when they lost their life partner. He sat, and looked at pictures of them from their summer romance. He hadn't seen his segway in years, and he still missed it. Niall hasn't talked to anyone else, word got around and soon, the whole world knew about his affair. No one would ever love him. So, he was forced to sit down on his bed, and remember the times they spent together, and he did just that. 

For the rest of Niall's life, 

He cried.

**Author's Note:**

> hey if you made it all the way through im proud! i hope at least one person sees this lmao i dont actually ship negway please its a joke anyway hope u enjoyed bye! if u wanna send me hate (or love) my ill put my social medias :)
> 
> twitter: autotunedrat  
> tumblr: cabellanal (I never really go on but whatever) 
> 
> Happy birthday Niall


End file.
